ORLANDO and SCONES

Orlando is a story written by British novelist Virginia Woolf as satire for and about her girlfriend Vita Sackville-West, who was born into wealth but could not inherit the family fortune because she was a woman. In the book and the movie of the same name, Orlando lives through four centuries, changing gender along the way.

In the 1600s (subtitled DEATH), Orlando (Tilda Swinton), a young nobleman, becomes a favorite of Queen Elizabeth (Quentin Crisp in drag), who leaves him her property, saying: “Do not fade. Do not wither. Do not grow old.” Orlando addressing the camera, much like Woolf addresses her reader directly in her writing, saying: “Very interesting person.”

In 1610 (LOVE), Orlando is an eligible bachelor and falls in love with Sasha, throwing over his current fiancée, who exclaims, “The treachery of men!” as she storms off. Orlando turns to the camera again and says, ”It would never have worked. A man must follow his heart.” He professes his love for Sasha, telling her she is his. When she asks, “Why?” he is confused. “Because I adore you,” he says. Later, when Orlando is stood up by Sasha, the tables have turned: “The treachery of women!” he cries.

Orlando falls into a deep sleep, waking up in 1650: POETRY, where he becomes a patron of the arts and supports a published poet who is condescending to him about his own poetry.

1700: POLITICS takes Orlando to the east, where he winds at the warfront with a gun, saved from his own bad judgement to confront the camera again, this time speechless.

Then Orlando awakens as a woman. “Same person,” she says, unfazed. “No difference at all. Just a different sex.”

Orlando returns to her estate, where the servants pretend nothing has changed. Now sporting a beehive hairdo, and laced into a corset, Orlando greets guests in a dress that takes up the entire couch. The other guests are portly old gents talking about their gout and speaking dismissively of women, who are large children, animals to be adorned (apart from the speaker’s wife, of course). Most women have no characters at all, one says.

Present company excluded, of course! one of the gentlemen hastens to add.

Orlando is served with lawsuits, because she is legally dead and therefore cannot hold any property whatsoever, and she is female, which amounts to much the same thing.

The archduke proposes marriage, telling her that he is England is she is his. “On what grounds?” she asks, and the archduke echoes an earlier scene – because he adores her. But then goes on to say that nobody else would have her with her ambiguous sexuality, that she would die a spinster, dispossessed and alone.

Orlando storms through a topiary maze, stopping occasionally to address the audience indignantly. “Spinster!” she exclaims.  “Alone!” she huffs at the camera.

1850: SEX, arrives with Billy Zane as Shelmerdine, riding up on a black horse. Shelmerdine resembles Sasha, but this time a man from a foreign, exotic place.

“If I were a man,” Orlando says to him. “I might choose not to risk my life for an uncertain cause. Freedom won by death is not worth having.”

“You might not choose to be a real man at all,” Shelmerdine replies.

“If I was a woman,” he says, “I might choose not to sacrifice my life caring for my children. Nor to drown anonymously in the milk of female kindness.  But instead, say, to go abroad. Would I then be –“

“A real woman?” Orlando finishes for him.

Orlando runs pregnant through muddy fields, and when the mist clears we have come to BIRTH and Orlando is meeting with a publisher (the same actor who dismissed his/her poetry earlier), this time telling her that her work is good and he thinks it will sell.

“How long did this draft take you?” he asks.

Orlando looks at the audience again, with a knowing look, before leaving on her motorcycle with her daughter in the sidecar. The movie ends with Orlando under a tree with an angel singing in the sky above her, and a close up on the serene expression on Orlando’s face.

The film was celebrated for the visual treatment of the book, with nominations for Academy Awards for Best Art Direction – Set Direction, and Best Costume Design. It was notable for its treatment of gender bending and gay overtones, and the implications it suggested about the importance of gender, wealth, living in a particular time in history and within the traditions of a particular nation.

SCONES

Preheat oven to 450°. Whisk together 2 c flour, 1 t baking powder, 1/4 t. baking soda and 1/2 t salt in a large bowl. Stir in 1/4 c sugar. Cut 8 T cold butter into flour mixture with a pastry blender until crumbly and mixture resembles small peas. Add 1/2 c sour cream and one egg.

At this point, you can add anything you like; spinach and feta, ham and cheese, blueberries, raisins, chocolate chips, whatever you like in your scones.

Turn dough out onto lightly floured wax paper; gently press or pat dough into a 8-inch round (mixture will be crumbly). Cut round into 8 wedges. Place wedges 2 inches apart on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet. Brush tops with 2 cream just until moistened. Bake at 450° for 14 to 16 minutes or until golden.